Saturday, August 20, 2011

Am I On TV?

Today is one of those days where I'm just going to list the moments that made me wonder where the cameras were hiding.  Some were sitcom moments, some were moments reality shows would eat up.  Some moments made me wonder if I was being Punked.

  • I dropped and juggled a straight-out-of-the-oven pan of bacon.  The result:  A burned index finger, forearm and bicep (not all on the same arm).  I didn't drop the bacon, though!
  • I locked my keys in the garage not 5 minutes after the bacon incident.
  • My three year old attempted a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle- not entirely unsuccessfully.
  • My five year old attempted to write a book.  "Mommy, how do you spell 'the'?" "Mommy, how do you spell 'magic'?" "Mommy, how do you spell 'flower'?"
  • Me: Where's Daddy?  Glo: Outside. . . lawn moaning.
  • Our generally really awesome cell phone provider called a while back offering us a new, awesome and cheaper plan that would give us more minutes.  "Heckshyeah!" we replied.  And then the new bill came in to the tune of. . . $382.29.  That would be quite the opposite of saving money!  (I looked around for the cameras here.  Clearly a $382 cell phone bill was a joke.) Apparently the rep who called failed to mention that the unlimited texting add on was not compatible with the new plan and also failed to check out past usage to see that we text like maniacs.  I called at 6 am this morning (which is when I saw the new bill online) and said something along the lines of, "You've got some explaining to do!"  And the girl I talked to sighed in exasperation and said, "You're not the only one.  And it's not like they just sent us a memo.  We had a FIVE HOUR TRAINING on this.  I'd be pissed too.  Let's just fix this."  She took all the overage charges off (my textbook fund thanks her) and gave us a plan that will save us money in the way that doesn't actually cost $260/month more in the long run.  And we now have unlimited minutes too.  Feel free to call me for as long as you like now.
  • This morning, I put on a blue sundress.  Nothing fancy.  Casual enough for a Saturday in summer, but nice enough to look decent in the inevitable pictures at my baby's birthday party later.  It's a long dress, but stretchy and pretty casual.  As I walked out the door to go grocery shopping, I put on a pair of flip flops.  On the way home, I got out of the car to pump gas and heard a moment later, "Lookin' good!  Must be a WED-DING!" I looked all around me to see who the creepy old guy at the next pump was talking to before I realized that he was, in fact, talking to me.  Now, I suppose that this outfit would be suitable for a casual afternoon wedding in summer, but it's certainly not something that could only be worn to a wedding.  My reply was a curt, "Nope! No wedding." I almost started going off about how our culture is too casual, where's the self respect, self image, art of clothing and accessories, evil of jeggings, etc.  Then I took in the fact that he was wearing cut off shorts, a ratty T and dirty bandanna on his head and just pumped my gas in silence.  Where's Clinton Kelly when you need him?
  • I completely and utterly forgot I was supposed to run 10 miles.  Complete memory loss.  How does one forget something like a 10 mile run?
  • My son's third birthday party?  Awesome.  That has nothing to do with this post other than I wanted to share that it happened.
And now. . . I'm going to go pass out.

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