Deep Friendship: How my Life is Bettered by Having a Posse of Girlfriends

There is a group of friends in my life who are so dear to me, sometimes it surprises me.  A few years ago, I was coerced, talked into, asked to lead a summer Bible Study.  I was a little bit reluctant because I'd never led a Bible Study of adults before, but I went ahead and did it. When I look back and think about the joy and deep, meaningful relationships that came about from it and how close I was to missing it, I am amazed.  I mean, just look at this.

A couple of those ladies in that picture have moved away, but they are still "members at large" in our group.  A few more have joined up with us, but the dynamic remains.  

Things haven't been smooth the whole way.  We're a group of ten women (3 out of town, 7 local now).  Anytime you put that many different personalities, beliefs and hormones in a room, you're going to have rough spots.  But somehow, through prayer and determination, we've weathered it and are still around to tell the tales and laugh about them.  

It has been a lesson in real friendship, in community and in love for each other.  Last night, one of our ladies wasn't feeling well at the end of study.  It's a recurring thing, so we all knew exactly what to do.  I helped her out to my car (we'd carpooled) and called ahead to her husband to be ready for her, as well as a few other little things.  She said, "You can tell you've done this before."  I said, "That's what friends are for." It sounds so cliche, but it's true.  Sure, friends are about having fun and hanging out and enjoying being around each other, but it's so much more than that.  There is a whole level of friendship we don't generally explore in this culture. 

Deep friendship knows you well enough to know what to do when that "one thing" starts to get to you, like calling ahead to a husband about a health issue or knowing about your yearly holiday nervous breakdown and preparing accordingly to drag you out of it.  And friendship doesn't roll its eyes at that thing and say, "Oh, this again."  Friendship just knows that we all have that thing that happens that we need help through and offers a shoulder, arm, car ride, kind word, etc.

Deep friendship doesn't mind if you answer the door in your pajamas.  It doesn't matter how you look, what you're wearing or if you've had your coffee yet.  It loves unconditionally and there is no self-consciousness needed.

Deep friendship calls you up to chat because there was just "a feeling" that you needed something.  When you know someone well, really and truly, you start to pick up on little cues.  And sometimes, you don't know why you know, but you know. There is a connection there that surface friendships miss.

Deep friendship rejoices with you and mourns with you.  There is no cattiness due to jealousy of the other person's triumphs, just mirrored joy.  There are no empty words of "sympathy" when something awful happens, just a hug.  The awkwardness of having to say the right thing in a time of joy or sorrow is replaced with real emotion.


Deep friendship knows when you're just saying that and what you really need is for them to kidnap you.  When you've had a rough day and say, "No, I'm not feeling up to making it after all." it will come to your house and all but physically place you in the car.  And you'll feel a million times better afterward. But it also knows when you really need to just be alone or recover.


Deep friendship sometimes means you have to let periphery relationships remain there.  Noone has time to maintain deep relationships with everyone they are friends with.  There's nothing wrong with less intimate friendships. There is never a call for being "fake" in a friendship, but there is nothing wrong with saying, "I really like this person, but I don't have the time to dedicate to really nurturing the relationship."  Sometimes, priorities must be set.  When you don't allow yourself to have varying levels of intimacy with friends, you wind up with alot of friendships, but never really know any of those friends well.

Deep friendship is hard work.  It means saying hard things, admitting you're wrong, calling another person out, working through disagreements and arguments, offering a helping hand when you don't really feel like it, prioritizing your time and being willing to be kidnapped from time to time even though you just want to sit in the house and cry.


Deep friendship enriches your life like nothing else.  We are social creatures designed to be in relationship.  As a follower of Christ, I believe that our relationship with God should take the top priority, and family second, but I also believe that we need other deep relationships in our lives as well. They are hard work, but without them, even if we live in a houseful of people, we become isolated and alone.

Last night, before I left the house, I'd joked with one of the girls on the phone that she got the "awesome award" for the night because we'd at the last minute switched to meeting at her house instead of elsewhere.  I thought it would be funny and cute to make her a little certificate and hand it to her when I got there.  Then I started having fun with it and made awards for everyone.  They were silly, but fun and made everyone smile after a hard day.  And it was cool to take a few minutes and think about each person and pull out something they add to the group.  Along with the award for last minute hospitality, I gave out, "Gift of laughter," "Most colorful," "Wisdom," "Artsy Fartsy," "Lobster Cracking," "Making it all Happen (the original host)", "Best Movie Quotes," and "Being Real." I could easily have each of these women half a dozen awards, but that wasn't the point.

My questions to you today are these:  
What does deep friendship in your life look like? 
What awards would you give those friends?

That'll learn me

It seems there is a special sort of punishment reserved for mothers who get too excited about the beginning of the school year. 

1. Their child (you know, the one who had a 103 fever and had to stay home the LAST day of last school year) will get a rash.
2. Said mother who got too excited will assume it's poison ivy, slather the child with calamine lotion (the clear, of course) and send them to school anyway.
3. The school nurse will call 5 hours into the school day to say child is running a low fever and this rash is really really bad and it is most decidedly NOT poinson ivy.
4. Mother will have to bail on plans to make Pioneer Woman's Beer Braised Beef with Onions to take child to pediatrician's office. (And will later resort to calling out for pizza delivery.)
5. Pediatrician will diagnose child with "Viral Exanthem" and write a note to keep child home from school until Monday.  
6. Child will remind Pediatrician that Monday is a holiday.
7. Pediatrician will say, "Oh! Good, well that's just a bonus recovery day then."
8. All involved will agree that it's best for everyone that the child not go to her biological father's for the weekend as planned, but rather for her to stay home and rest (also known as whine and gripe at her siblings all day for being. . . well. . . younger siblings.)
9. Mother: *headdesk*

 I personally find it highly unfair that mothers aren't granted the right to be just a little bit glad that their load will lighten just a bit a few hours a day for the school year.  Mothers have a dirty, grueling job that offers little recognition.  Motherhood will happily suck the soul right out of you if you'll let it.  And just because the kids are in school doesn't mean stay at home moms are just sitting around doing nothing.  It just means we have less commotion and neediness to deal with when we're trying to clean up the toy explosions and do laundry and dishes and make curtains and can food for the winter and do whatever else we do to save the family enough money to afford to be a one income household.  Forgive us, universe, for looking forward to a little bit of give in the exhausting work that is motherhood.

Feel free to call and encourage this mother today. . . or tomorrow. . . or Sunday. . . or Monday.

I did mention that I love my kids, right?  Because I do.  But, come on!  A little break, please?

And Then There Were Two

Don't get me wrong.  I really do love my children and I think my world would be lonely and dull without them.  But man, am I glad school's starting back up.  I applaud all you moms out there who are superstar homeschoolers, I really do.  I don't know where all that patience comes from. 

Next week, my second of the three will also be starting school.  She scored a widely coveted spot in a public magnet school that has a preschool program. I don't care what anyone thinks about "those city schools," I've had a child in Pittsburgh Public Schools for 5 years and will have two in this year and I've never had a major problem with the schools or the district.  Yes.  There are "bad" schools in the district.  It's a huge district.  But the magnet program is fabulous.  You can CHOOSE a PUBLIC (read: no tuition) school for you children .  That rocks.  Anyway, numero dos is starting school Tuesday and it'll be down to just The Boy and I at home during the day.  The place will seem so empty.  I'm having trouble fathoming the house with just one kid in it again all day, let alone next fall when they all head off to school. Although, at that time, I'll probably be in school full time again with little time to enjoy it.  Such is life.

Anyway, the whole point of this post is simply to share some first day of school photos.  First, I'd like to share her first day of kindergarten picture.

Aw!  What a cute little bugger!  She posed so nicely! And here she is, five years later:

Um. . . let's try that again.

Not exactly what I was going for.  Sigh. Perhaps another angle. . .

*facepalm* I have a feeling that's as good as I'm going to get today.  Funny how the first day of school isn't as exciting when you're 10 as when you're 5.  I'll leave you with some cute shots of The Blonde One walking Sissy to her bus stop.

Yes, another Wednesday morning interview.  Sorry if I'm messing up your groove here.  Trust me.  This one's worth the break in your regularly scheduled programming.  This is Levi, affectionately referred to sometimes as "The Boy Who Lived."  Levi has his own site talking about how he overcame odds and was born alive and with two hands.  You can check it out here.

Hmmmm. . . maybe I'll have to start "Family History Day" on Wednesdays or something.  I could share interesting things I am finding out in the family history project or toss in an extra interview for the week from the project.

You're welcome to put follow up questions in the comments, but you're probably not going to get an answer.  Levi might flash his belly at you, but I wouldn't get your hopes up for much more than that.

Wallet and Earth Friendly Sandwich Wrapper Tutorial

We were walking through the grocery store today and one of the things that was on our radar was school supplies.  We want to make our school lunches as Earth and wallet friendly as possible and healthier than the fried junk and carb-heavy meals they tend to serve in the schools.  There are a couple ways we already do this:

• We picked up reusable juice boxes.  These not only save on needless trash that regular disposable juice boxes create, but filling those little guys is only a fraction of the cost of individual juice boxes.  $2 worth of 100% juice from a concentrate in the frozen section will fill something like a dozen (I haven't actually done the math or counted) of these easily.  $2 might get you 6 juice boxes on sale if you're lucky and many juice boxes don't have 100% juice in them.  (I won't get started on the Nestle thing, but I also don't buy Nestle and they are the ones that make Juicy Juice.)  So, we're greatly reducing trash, we're cutting the cost by at least half and we're avoiding a brand with questionable ethics as a company. There are two cons to the particular brand I picked up.  You do have to keep them washed because they get gross like sippy cups do if you let them sit long.  They are also NOT labeled as being BPA free. If anyone knows of some nice (not outlandishly priced) BPA free ones, please link in the comments.  I want to get some. 
• We use wipe-able cloth lunch bags, rather than paper lunch bags.  Again, you have to clean them frequently, but you are significantly reducing waste by using them vs the paper bags.  (If you do use the paper bags, please at least recycle them.) They are also cheaper than buying paper bags several times a year (even more so if you make your own from scraps!)  They are also insulating.  Some have actual insulation built in, some are just fabric, but are still offer more insulation than paper.  They also have the advantage of not turning to mush if they get wet from sweating items within.  They protect the food within better. 

One thing  I'd been struggling with is a good way to wrap sandwhiches.  I hate using plastic bags for them.  They are wasteful, nearly impossible to wash and they get expensive over time.  The plastic sandwhich keepers are never the right size (they assume you're using crappy enriched spongy bread) and they break.  Today at the store, we saw something brilliant.  They had fabric wrappers that just fold around the sandwhich and are fastened with velcro.  They are easy to use and totally machine washable.  Fabulous!  The not-so-fabulous part was the price tag.  They were asking $5.99 for those stupid things.  They can kiss my butt.  I'm not paying $6 for something I can make a whole army of for free out of scraps in just a few minutes.  Not to mention, mine will be WAY cuter than the plain, solid colored ones at the store.

And yes, they use resources to wash.  But they are tiny.  You can throw a few in with a load of laundry you're doing anyway and they won't make a lick of difference.

Read on for the tutorial on how to make these simple little items! If you can sew, fabulous.  If you can't, I have an alternative.